- Part 1 of my reflections, inspired by Exeter College summer programme -
In our globalised era, the move from Singapore to Oxford never really felt like a culture shock, frankly speaking. It felt more like a matter of adaptation to new climates, people and modes of living.
In a new place, new decisions are being made all the time. What exactly do I hope to achieve in these transient six weeks? How can I be discerning towards what we spend time on? My answer: routines. Over the first five days of studying abroad, I wasn’t fully aware of how unsettled I felt. I stared at my eventless calendar and soon enough it clicked that I needed to somehow transfer what I deem as essential and core activities into this new life that I now lead. They need to be scheduled at a fixed time of the day, everyday, in order to retain some semblance of consistency I which was so used to back home. Being consistent is hard work. It’s a big part of being intentional about one's time, personal preferences and priorities. Whether it’s having regular meals, setting aside reading time, exercising, or grocery shopping, anything that matters enough to you should be given a timeslot dedicated solely to these activities.
Of course, this is just my opinion. To me, it’s reassuring to know that there is a clearly allocated time to do each of these activities that are so important to my sense of inner peace and well-being. Creating a routine around them simply ensures that each activity is done with more intentionality. I have no worries about whether there is enough time, and I won't get distracted by the prospect of doing other activities. There is enough evidence to support my belief that routines are the best way to guarantee a meaningful experience overall. Nevertheless, no one else in the programme has a fixed and consistent routine for themselves. It made me realise that most people don't know how to set a sustainable routine that suits their needs. People usually fall into two camps: they either think I'm absolutely bonkers for following such a structued daily routine, or they are in complete awe and respect. When I'm faced with any of these reactions, I am tongue-tied. Having a routine comes naturally to me. It's as intuitive as drinking eight glasses of water every day and plays such a significant role in my baseline levels of happiness. What I don't understand is why people don't put in more thought and intentionality towards setting routines for the sake of their own human flourishing. I wish to ask them: "what's stopping you from starting your routine today?"
The most challenging kind of adaptation for me was constantly being in close proximity to people whom I didn't necessarily share a personal relationship with. In this new community, new networks are constantly being established in social spaces. Do I choose to stay in our room or go downstairs and meet other humans? Should I find a clique and stick to it, or remain fluid about who I interact with? Intentionality, or the lack thereof, is what drives us to make these decisions about the construction of social circles. What I found to be most difficult was striking a balance between spending time with people I already had a natural affinity with, and going out of my way to introduce myself to strangers -- with the knowledge that these new conversations might not end in a genuine friendship.
This struggle with time investment, and grappling with how much to stretch my social battery was always being contemplated as I socialised. There were countless of times when I took the added effort to introduce myself, break the ice, create connections, and it eventually paid off. Occasionally, I met people who, at first glance, came off as not-so-friendly, and in fact turn out to be not-so-friendly and slightly unpleasant to be around. In my view, it’s perfectly normal and human to form judgements about people based on first impressions; in fact, it's beneficial. Observing behavioural and verbal cues is a deeply rooted evolutionary mechanism that helped our species survive in the wild. But it’s not okay to set these judgements in stone before even having a conversation with strangers. Unfortunately, that's how most people perate these days. It's easier to find an excuse to not befriend someone than to put in the work of interacting with them personally and run the subsequent risk of putting oneself in awkward social situations.
The key is to be intentional about how and why you think a certain way about a certain someone, and then challenge this preconceived judgement by actually striking a conversation with them at least once. After that, refine your judgement accordingly and decide whether or not you'd like to continue investing time in this person. The choice is always yours, but at least by now you know you've given it a fair shot.
When exposed to a new education system, the only thing that matters is how we maximise utility while deriving joy from the process of learning. Am I truly interested in what I’m learning? What do I hope to discover and what questions do I wish to answer in this journey ? What do I need help with and how do I request advice from my tutors? To the eyes of many, Oxford is a shining beacon of academic brilliance. As much as learning has been intensely institutionalised in both good and bad ways, I choose to believe that the onus is on the learner. No one understands my needs, learning styles, or areas of interest better than I do. Naturally, the best person to curate my learning experience would then be myself, and not the school.
People often blame the institution for issues that, on second thought, are entirely within their control -- people tend to choose the easier option. This understanding requires intentionality, and an awareness that learning is as delightful and enjoyable as the individual makes it to be. I made an intentional choice to take learning seriously in this programme even if it never counted towards my GPA. That’s because I chose to write essays on topics that I was genuinely interested in and took pride in the work I produced. It wasn’t because I felt obliged to work hard, or obliged not waste away the programme fees, or because I felt the need to impress my tutors. It was from an intrinsic source of motivation to learn something new, which is becoming increasingly rare in a competitive pressure cooker modern society that encourages paper chasers.
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